In Search of Willpower
I mentioned last week that a friend is allowing her bridesmaids to select their own dresses for her August wedding. There are 7 or 8 little black dresses hanging in my spare bedroom, but I don’t love any of them. Two of them are ok - I’m keeping at least one for work, but I’ll be sending the rest of them back.
I figure I will get tons of mileage out of a dress that fits well and is flattering, and since the internet has failed me, I’ve been scouring the local malls in search of the perfect LBD.
In the process I have been reminded why I don’t go to malls. I lack willpower.
Everyone loves a good sale, and naturally my first move is towards the discount racks. While sorting through the gawd-awful markdowns, one can occasionally find a gem.
My problem is that I have found dresses that neither black nor appropriate for a wedding, and yet because they are such a ‘good deal’ - I can’t help myself. I found a Anne Klein that was marked down from $180 to $32 - and it was work-appropriate, and it was a perfect fit. So I bought it.
Thirty bucks I didn’t budget for and didn’t really need to spend. And it’s not the only little bargain I’ve picked up this week. Two new tops and a pair of black pants are now hanging in my closet as well. Better make that $90 I didn’t budget for.
And to add insult to injury, the search for the perfect black dress rages on.
Usually I beat temptation by avoiding it. I know that within the walls of a department store lurk all forms of personal kryptonite - shoes, makeup, and clothes. And because we’re in a borderline recession, there are more ‘deals’ to be had than ever. I try to apply Trent’s “ten second rule” - and typically I can talk myself out of stuff, but increasing my exposure to temptation has increased the probability that I will cave.
What kinds of Jedi-mind-tricks do you perform to keep your spending in check? Do you think of the dream house that you’re saving for? Retiring at age 42? That trip to Tahiti?
I welcome your thoughts in the comments section below!
Stumble it!
July 14th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
I’m like you: it’s better if I just don’t go to the mall. I love nice, new things, so seeing the racks gets me all worked up. If I just stay home, I’m fine.
It’s not a bulletproof trick, but I’ve had lots of success with searching for “perfect” items. If it’s not perfect, I put it back. If I can’t see myself wearing the item a lot and for years to come, I put it back. I remember how crappy it feels to get rid of items that I never really got use out of. I keep my financial goals in mind, but I also focus on not filling my closet with items that are just okay.
I’ve culled a ton of clothes over the last couple of years (lots of hand me downs that were technically fine, but didn’t fit perfectly or suit me). Now that my closet is lean, mean, and fabulous, I hate bringing crappy things into it. A blissful closet: that’s my (admittedly materialistic) mind trick.
I did cave on an acrylic sweater, though–I hate acrylic but $3 and a beautiful color? I couldn’t resist.
July 15th, 2008 at 9:49 am
NEver tell yourself “Look how much I saved” tell yourself the truth, “Look at how much I spent!”
It is OK to splurge, even if you fall off the horse. It is more important how fast you get back on!
July 15th, 2008 at 10:48 am
I fight the same battle as you every time I hit the mall. & like you my best method is to just not go. But when you have to shop & the deals are calling your name I do this…
I’ll allow myself to pick things up & try them on. Then I pare down to one or two things I really really like. & then I put them back. I go home & give myself some time to think on it. A few days, sometimes as much as a week. & if I can come up with some really good reasons to buy the item I’ll go back for it. If it’s still there then I consider it meant to be & i’ve had time to figure out where I’ll have to squeeze the budget to keep on track.
Most of the time I find that by the time I get home & don’t have it staring me in the face then it’s much easier to resist. & the few times I have gone back, it’s been really rewarding & guilt free to find that perfect item still waiting for me.
July 15th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I agree that the “look how much I saved!” justification is a dangerous one… I finally realized that I cannot resist a good sale, so my safest bet is to avoid them altogether.
If I *have* to go shopping, I keep thinking about how much money I could have in my bank account and what, compounded over many other avoided purchases, it could translate to.
July 15th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
I am the same way. I always end up buying something I didn’t plan on when I’m searching for a specific item. The lure of the sale is too great.
I (accidentally) found a way to stop myself this week. First of all, I don’t use credit cards, just my debit card. Unfortunately I lost my debit card last week. I withdrew some money from the bank, but I have to make it last since I don’t have quick access to cash until my new card arrives. That’s stopping me from overspending in a hurry!
If you’re trying to stop yourself, take only a set amount of money into the mall and leave all forms of plastic at home.
July 15th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I left the city. Living on a cattle ranch, on a mountain, and in the middle of a forest makes it darn difficult to impulse shop. Seriously.
July 16th, 2008 at 7:58 am
I found my little black dress in a thrift shop last summer. I think summer is not a time when people are generally looking for LBD’s, so they pile up more than you might expect.
(If you mess up and buy something else instead, at least it’s only $3 or $7.)
But to answer your actual question, here are my Jedi mind tricks:
* The one that works best for me is to keep a list of things I am looking for. Try not to look at things that are not on my list. If I find something not on my list, think twice about it. (I’ve also heard of people making themselves leave the store, then wait a pre-specified amount of time like one week or 24 hours, and then if they really want it, let themselves go back to the store.)
* Sara’s “perfect” trick, for sure. This works especially on clothes where I now have enough stuff that I can afford to be very picky (even with things that cost only $5). With clothes I look for things that fit perfectly, are flattering, are comfortable, go with something I already have, have pockets, can be machine washed, and that I would actually wear. For other things I might also look for durability, ease in cleaning and other maintenance, and good design (easy to use, minimal electricity). Truly–developing extreme standards will help.
* Make sure I will actually use it. Sadly, I often ask people I’m with: “Tell me why I need this.” Usually they can’t, so I don’t get it. Related tactic: good peer pressure.
* Make sure I have room for it. My house is getting a bit overstuffed. If I can’t imagine where to put it, I don’t get to have it. Other people make themselves get rid of something for everything they bring home–if you can’t think of anything to get rid of, you better not bring it home!
Another trick I’ve heard of is to go to places that specialize in what you’re getting so you can’t be distracted by other stuff. I don’t know if there’s such a thing as a little black dress shop. But certainly a specific store rather than an entire mall might help. I’ve heard this is one way that people working the drug store deals save money: it keeps them out of Target! (Your web searches were specific, making it harder to notice other things, so that was a version of this strategy.)
And of course budgeting. If you decide ahead of time you are only going to allow yourself to spend a certain amount in whatever category LBDs fall in (clothes? supplies? socializing/entertainment?), then it’s easier to remember that by buying one thing, you’re sacrificing something else.
That strategy can easily be mixed with the access-to-cash tricks. The envelope system has you literally putting your budgeted money into envelopes (one for each category), and then you have to do all of your spending from those envelopes. And many people feel that paying with cash feels more real ,and therefore more painful, than paying with a card of some kind. If it’s harder to watch your money go, you’re less likely to spend it.
(My biggest next goals are renovating my house and retiring early. The money I’d save from not buying a dress would make no measurable difference in how fast I achieve those goals, so thinking about that doesn’t actually help me.)
July 16th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
To avoid spending I stay home, blog and eat… that’s how I ended up with two blogs - one to motivate me get out of debt, the other one to help me loose weight
July 22nd, 2008 at 5:13 pm
If I find something that catches my eye (that wasn’t exactly what I was shopping for), I weigh the ups and downs, then move on to the next store. If at the end of my trip I’m still thinking about it and it fits my criteria (that you have to have set out before you go shopping) then I’ll get it. I figure if I don’t miss it after an hour or two, then I’m not going to miss it from my closet.