Our Wedding - Elements of Lavish Meet Pieces of Frugal
This is the first article in my series BankerGirl Plans a Wedding - an honest account of my wedding decisions and the related expenses as they occur.
My fiancé and I are going to spend entirely too much on our wedding, and I have a lot of guilt about it. I haven’t written about my wedding budget here because I fully expect (and deserve) to get flamed by my readers by being so irresponsible with money when I have so much debt, but I started the wheels on this blessed event turning well before I had my Financial Epiphany (the point where I realized that I kept on the track I was on I would be broke forever).
So, here it is, my wedding budget:
| Item | Expense |
| Wedding and Reception Venue (held at the same location) | $800 |
| Dress | $500 |
| Food ($15 per person x 120 guests) | $1800 |
| Flowers (purchased at farmer’s market and arranged by future MIL) | $200 |
| Drink (1 light beer, 1 keg rootbeer, 3 pony kegs microbrew) | $250 |
| Photography | $6000 |
| Favors (glass beer mugs printed with our logo) | $285 |
| “Cake” (apple pies, homemade by aunts) | Free |
| Rings (simple bands) | $500 |
| Save the date cards | Free |
| Invitations | $600 |
| Postage | $160 |
| Decorations/Center Pieces (pumpkins, mums, & gourds grown by Dad) | Free |
|
TOTAL |
$11,095 |
Right about now you’re probably thinking “seems pretty reasonable until you add the photographer!” - and you would be right. Photography counts for about half of our expenses, but my fiancé had strong feelings about this particular element of our wedding, and I agreed with him. The day will come and go, but we’ll have the pictures forever - and we will own the rights to the digital images forever. It’s a bit ridiculous, and I’m not sure I’d make the same choice again, but the down payment ($2000) has been made, so that’s a done deal.
We are going a very non-traditional route, skipping the church wedding (it costs $600 to get married at my church!), and doing everything at one location. We’re going to tie the knot at an old farmstead with a huge barn and fabulous stone fire pit - and we’re going for something along the lines of an Oktoberfest theme. I just hope that the weather holds.
As regular readers know, I am a big proponent of the “buy fresh, buy local” movement, so most of the food and beer will be locally grown/sourced/made. A huge debt of thanks goes to our good friend Trevor, who is brewing three kegs of beer made with home-grown hops just for the event.
The catering costs are just a guess at this point. We haven’t chosen a caterer or menu yet - and while I would like to keep it around $10 per person, I am prepared to spend as much as $20 to get someone that will source the food locally (the great thing about living in a rural area is that for this price, we’ll get a huge spread, not so in bigger cities, I’m told).
We’re savings a ton of money on paper goods. Matt is a graphic designer and one of his printer contacts offered to do the save-the-date cards for nothing, which was a coup, and naturally he did all of the logo work and invitation design himself. His mother used to teach calligraphy, so she’s volunteered to address all of the invitations.
We’re asking family members bake apple pies instead of the traditional cake - apples will be in season at our local orchards. We’ll have other sweets as well - our grandmothers and mothers are going to make their signature cookies for munching throughout the night.
This budget doesn’t include the cost of rentals - we’ll need to rent 120 chairs for the ceremony and a few extra tables for the reception, and we may decide we need a tent as well. The bridesmaids have been asked to choose their own dresses, and I plan to reimburse them for that cost as well. Oh, and we still need to pay for Matt’s suit - but since he really needs one and will be able to wear it forever, we’re not counting that in the budget.
If we have some wiggle room after we’ve selected our caterer, I’d like to hire a trolley or bus to shuttle all of our guests from the hotels to the wedding site.
There is the possibility that we’ll be able to shave a few hundred dollars off the budget above. I haven’t been wedding gown shopping yet, and I’m hopeful that I can find something off the rack at David’s Bridal for $200-$300. We also haven’t begun to look at wedding rings - we both want very simple, plain bands - but I keep hearing that the cost of gold is sky-rocketing, so I’m being conservative there.
We’ve been very fortunate in that we have extremely generous parents that have agreed to help us out. Combined they have gifted us over $12,000 for the wedding. We’ve decided that we’re going to pick up the tab for the photographer ourselves (and as of today I have saved enough to cover that!), so I’m feeling pretty good about our budget.
The only problem is that I keep thinking about how I would spend $12,000 if someone wrote me a check for that amount today. I’d fix our rotting deck and payoff a nice chunk of my credit card consolidation loan - or maybe payoff my car loan. I feel like we’re having a pretty frugal wedding, by most standards, but if I could start all over I’d probably figure out a way to do it on a smaller budget.
For all of you smug marrieds out there, what would you change about your wedding if you had to do it all over again?
Stumble it!
March 10th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
First, I really enjoy your blog. Keep it up! It’s far more informed than others’ blogs & it’s nice to see a woman writing.
OK, here’s the picky comment… I’m currently planning a wedding also. Do you think you can feed that many guests for $1800? I hope you can…tell me how you do it!
Are you hiring a local, organic company? I guess I can’t imagine this being cheap. (I’m an organic foodie also.) I hope to see more wedding related frugality… let us know where you get those bands!
Good luck!
March 10th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Thanks for the supportive comments, Amanda!
In regards to the food, we can have somone roast a whole hog for $400 and do a bunch of sides for pretty cheap in this part of the country. The caterers that we’re meeting with have all agreed to source the food locally at our request. I have a lot of the vendors I’d like to use already in mind.
I’ll keep you posted on the rings, but that reminded me - I forgot to mention the band! That is going to run us $500. We’re going to combine live music with some dance party standards via ipod DJ.
March 10th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Our food costs came out to about $7/head. It was lunch, which helped. And we got sandwiches from a local deli.
March 10th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Whole hog….mmmmm….delicious. As you suggested, everything seems reasonable except the photographer. Even though you put down the $2K, I suspect you would still be able to get a cheaper package and still get everything you want in the end. Although you didn’t provide details, I suspect you are paying quite a load for the pleasure of owning the rights to all those pictures.
From my own experience, a couple of things to think about:
1) Pictures are indeed important and I also believe it’s ok to spend a bit for it
2) You can buy a very nice package that will make you happy without owning ALL of them
3) Your friends will be able to share a lot of pictures with you as well - don’t forget that
4) If you sell enough pictures - you may “earn” some additional ones from the photographer as part of your package
5) This may be the most important. After several years, the photographer will ontact you to let you know that you can buy the negatives and remaining proofs at a steep discount before they destroy them
Don’t just accept your situation (”well, we already paid the $2K down, blah blah blah). ASK QUESTIONS, THINK about how you can get yourself a better deal and MAKE IT HAPPEN!
March 11th, 2008 at 12:59 am
BG, I’ve been feeling such anxiety over paying for our October wedding! I completely understand how fast the costs can add up. In my “real” life, I’m very frugal and hesitate before spending $5 on a sandwich for lunch, but in “wedding planning” life, it feels like monopoly money and I’m throwing it around like crazy! We’ll probably end up spending around three times your budget when all is said and done, on ONE WEEKEND. Ridiculous! But, we have no debt, fully funded emergency funds, maxed out Roth IRAs and contributing about 12% to our 401ks. And our parents are giving us the full amount, but we had originally hoped to save some of that instead of spending it all. In the end, though, we weren’t willing to sacrifice (enough) to have a smaller, simpler wedding.
One thought on the photographer…you might be able to save even if you cancel the contract. We found ours through the WPJA (www.wpja.com). He’s an enormously talented photojournalism-style photographer who second-shoots for the people in our town charging $5,000 and up, but we’re getting just him for 6 hours for $1,900 (his least expensive package). It comes with digital negatives but no fancy flushmount album. I figure we can order our own prints and do the nice stuff down the road if we want, but at least we’ll have awesome pics. If you could find a great-quality, $2,000 photog, you’d still be saving $2,000 over your current one. It might be painful but worth it in the end.
On the dress, try Craigslist and eBay, and remember that alterations can cost upwards of $100 depending on what you need done. On wedding bands, bluenile.com may be your best friend.
Good for you for utilizing the talents of your friends and family and doing things yourself. No judgment here…best of luck!
March 11th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Good Luck, Congrats et al.
Two Comments - you only (ideally) do this once, so go for it all.
You may be seriously underestimating the amount of beer you’ll need. 120 folks - I’d go for atleast two kegs, depending on how long you have the hall.
March 11th, 2008 at 8:57 am
This sounds like a sensible budget. I wouldn’t feel guilty about this.
I have a few other suggestions, though.
Don’t get your alterations done at David’s Bridal. Ask around and get recommendations for a local shop that does alterations.
For my cousin’s wedding, the MoH and I had to get similar alterations to the same bridesmaid’s dress. I paid under $50, at a local shop near where I live (in the Boston area), and they did a fabulous job. They also managed to get it done in less than two weeks. The MoH asked for the same alterations at David’s Bridal — where she paid nearly $100, they took several months, and they did such a horrible job they *ruined the dress*. And yes, they still charged her for it.
Apparently the amount of training they give their seamstresses varies by store, so not all the locations are like that — but I still wouldn’t ever get alterations at a DB.
If you’re planning on covering the cost of your bridesmaid’s dresses — have you given them a budget guideline, or let them know that you’ll cover up to a certain amount? I mention this not only because of your budget, but also because they might feel more comfortable. (For example, I probably wouldn’t get the more expensive dress I’d wear again if I knew someone else was paying — but I’d happily pay the difference between the budgeted amount and the actual cost.)
If you’re planning on giving your bridesmaids jewelry, Amazon actually has some good deals on nice things. Or if you’ve got decent craft skills, you could look into making necklaces. There are tutorials available online, and the basic tools for stringing a necklace aren’t that expensive. I’d suggest making a few other necklaces as practice with low-cost glass beads before sourcing and purchasing the beads for your bridesmaid’s neckalces; it’ll give you a better idea of what works and what doesn’t, and how many beads you’ll actually need.
If you do decide to make necklaces: the Swarovski crystal beads you find at Michael’s are exactly the same as the ones you get at an upscale bead store. The “semi-precious stones” at Michael’s aren’t. It’s worth buying any stones at a decent store and paying a bit more; Swarovski, not so much.
March 11th, 2008 at 8:59 am
As you probably know, I just got married in July 2007. We did a very small wedding, but did also splurge on the photographer. Even so, we only spent $1500, which included prints, negatives, and cd’s of every roll of film. She was the same photographer my brother used, so I knew her pictures were awesome. I love them!!!!
The only thing I would change about my wedding would be inviting a few more close friends. We wanted to keep it small, and we had about 30 people there. There are about 10 more people I wish I had invited. Luckily, that group of friends is very easy-going and didn’t express any hurt feelings about not being invited.
By the way, I totally disagree with Rob about “going for it all” because you only do it once. The marriage is the important part, not the wedding. It’s just society’s hype that tells you the wedding is all-important.
Don’t get so caught up in the wedding that you forget to set down a good foundation for a marriage
March 11th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Just a few comments. For bands, you might consider a non-traditional metal like titanium or tungsten (especially for the groom). Tungsten will never scratch which is a definite plus for men! This also could save a bit since the price of gold is going crazy.
I know you expect people to think your wedding is extravagent but it’s a one time deal, the celebration of the joining of two lives. You don’t want regrets…so do it your way and don’t look back (just try to save as much as possible to pay cash for it!). Just treat it like airfare and don’t second guess your purchase price!
March 11th, 2008 at 9:03 am
Thanks for the congrats, Rob - and thanks to everyone for being supportive! These are great ideas.
The keg of light beer is just for my parents and aunts - We will also have three kegs of micro brew. It’s being gifted to us by a friend, so there’s no cost. I added mircobrew as an item in the budget. We may also bring a few bottles of good scotch - we’ll see what Matt can find.
Becky - I agree with the sentiment that this is just a day, the union lasts a lifetime. That’s why I’m so conflicted about spending on it. Luckily, we won’t be paying for anything with credit.
Great tips, G.Jules - I really want my bridesmaids to wear dresses that they love and will wear again. I have so many AWFUL dresses in my closet from weddings past. I will consider suggesting a price range for my gals.
March 11th, 2008 at 11:44 am
“The bridesmaids have been asked to choose their own dresses, and I plan to reimburse them for that cost as well. ”
It is one thing to hold your costs down, but helping other do the same shows why so many of us think so highly of you!
March 11th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I just saw a commercial for David’s Bridal - they are having their $99 sale right now. Also, I got married some years ago, but I recall that one good tip was to go with a formal dress (think prom dress section at the department store or stores like Jessica McClintock if they’re still around). I think the key there was simply to think a little outside the box and look at dresses that weren’t labeled “wedding gown.”
I can’t really help you with the other costs. We had a rather traditional and expensive wedding (mostly my parents’ choice - but they footed the bill too). I do remember being shocked that the photog sent us the digital prints - they weren’t expressly included in the package, so I wasn’t expecting them. I had read the same advice about waiting for them to offer them at a steep discount and was planning on doing that!
Good luck!
March 12th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I think your budget is perfectly reasonable, especially considering you still might be able to save money here and there. I am finding that as I plan my own wedding for October 2008, that the less hung up on details the easier it is to save money. I’m not obsessing over details - what kind of flowers, the less expensive invitations, they are all fine to me because I’m just so excited to be married to this great guy!! Surrounded by all our friends and family from near and far - it’s like a dream. We’re having a lunch buffet for 80 for under $2,000 and making our own centerpieces with simple candles and candle holders from Michael’s. The dress will be a simple cocktail-length dress from David’s Bridal. Having the wedding at the reception venue will only cost the Justice of the Peace’s fee - $125. I love rubies - my unconventional ruby engagement ring was only $200. And I’m just as happy as if I was spending $20,000 I’m sure. Probably a lot less stressed. I think the beautiful thing about your wedding plans is the unique way you’re bringing in the “local” element and also having your friends and family help out. I cheer your thinking outside the box wedding!
March 13th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
I got married 6 years ago, and we spent more than we should on a lot of things
But I do agree that pictures, and a good photographer you trust, is VERY important. It is not just the cost, it is that you know you’ll get a good product. That is one thing I wouldn’t skimp on.
I do think you could probably spend a lot less on it - but it is peace of mind to have one you love. You’ll look at the pictures forever.
March 14th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
We did a mix of high-low for our wedding, and it worked out beautifully. The important thing for us was keeping a certain aesthetic and providing a great experience for all involved. And we paid it all off by 2 months after the wedding was over. Could we have spent half and saved the rest? Eh, sure, but it was an amazing night that we will always remember, and people still talk about what a great wedding it was 5 years later. We didn’t go into debt to do it, so I guess that’s a start. We are in a high cost market, and our wedding is positively thrifty compared to some we’ve seen.
We went big on: food and drinks. Open bar all night. Venue was a hotel on Boston Harbor with an amazing view. This ran us 12k, a good 50% of the total “wedding weekend” cost. We covered parking for guests. That makes a hell of a lot more impression than “bathroom baskets” or fancier favors, that’s for sure.
We went medium on: flowers and music. People tend to skimp on those, but these were really satisfying purchases in the end. We wanted a DJ who wouldn’t play the chicken dance and would really get our taste in music but manage to tailor it to a mixed crowd, and we were not disappointed. We had a friend sing during the ceremony, and we had a jazz trio to back her and then play during the cocktail hour. It was a compromise to have the trio for basically 1.5 hours and a DJ for the rest of the night. The flowers were incredibly fun to pick out and looked great. Thought about doing our own, but did not end up having the time. It was great peace of mind to know they would just show up. We went with a local chain, which was cheaper than the more boutique options with larger wedding businesses we priced first, but no one knew it was from a local chain.
We went surprisingly small on: clothing and jewelry, etc. I bought my own makeup at Sephora, and my husband’s aunt did my makeup. We just did a practice run beforehand to make sure we were on the same page. My dress was $40 off the rack at a department store ( a white satin cocktail dress). I think I paid $20 to have it altered. I spent a few hundred more on shoes and jewelry. I had my hair done, but I went to the salon that morning rather than having her come to me. My husband bought a suit during the Saks summer sale, and he has worn it many more times since our wedding, so it’s definitely amortized. He got a simple titanium band, and I got a simple platinum band.
A designer friend designed our invites, and we had them printed at a local copy chain and assembled them ourselves. We saved a ton by doing this, and no one knew they came from a Kinko’s equivalent. We did the same self-printing for things like place cards and stickers for favor tins.
Honeymoon was super cheap - we didn’t take our dream trip, as we regularly travel anyway. We used a gifted timeshare week.
Photos - we went low for the Boston area. We spent about 5k for a photojournalist (all day coverage plus an assistant and an album and I forget what other prints, it was a lot). I found him via an industry website (might have been Wedding Bureau). On this topic, I am shocked that you got a 6k quote for digital images in what sounds like a rural area in the mid-west. I would encourage you to find a photojournalist unless you absolutely hate the style. We got the option to buy our negatives for $200 after 3 years, and we did that and can get reprints at any time. I know you say you already spent 2k, but if you can find someone else to do it for 3k, then you just saved 1k. Don’t fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy if you have any doubts at all about the quality or fairness of the package. I am not one to scrimp on experience, but that seems really high for your area. We did not get videography, and we did not miss it at all. It doesn’t totally make sense to me to have endless photos if there will be details in them that nag at you later (i.e. why did the tables look so bare, why wasn’t this or that the way I really wanted). Photography is one of those instances where you pay a huge markup for anything directly related to the wedding industry - if someone only does weddings, expect to pay a lot more.
Good luck with your wedding! The stress doesn’t last, just the memories.
March 16th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
My husband and I were married 5 1/2 years ago and I don’t think I would change a thing about our wedding. We had a beautiful ceremony and a fun reception. Like the previous commenter, people still tell us to this day how much fun they had at our wedding and how great the food was! We went expensive on the food and the bar which made up about half of our wedding expenses.
One thing I loved about our ceremony was that we hired a string quartet to play seating music and processional and recessional music. I think it was only a few hundred dollars and it really added a nice touch to hear music coming from real players rather than a CD.
I agree with previous commenters - don’t skimp on pictures! You can’t go back and redo them!
March 19th, 2008 at 9:03 am
I must say, I am so glad that we budgeted what we did for photos. It took up a huge chunk of our wedding budget as well, but we are still glad to have high-quality photos to remember our day by.
If I could change one thing about my wedding, I think it would be that I wouldn’t faint at the altar mid-ceremony (oops…).
Aside from that, our reception was pretty low-key; more of a finger-food affair. It would have been much better I think, if we’d had live music.
Overall, I think your budget is on-the-spot. My hubby and I also watched our wedding budget grow drastically as we planned (from our estimated 5,000 to about 10,000 after all was said and done), but I am proud to say that by budgeting and planning, and despite both going to school and working full-time, we funded the entire wedding ourselves, and didn’t put a dime of it on credit cards. That alone kept us from being complete stressed-out wrecks come wedding day.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:31 am
i think your budget is realistic. i spent about $13k on my wedding 9 years ago. about half was for the reception and people still talk about what a great time they had (buffet dinner, open wine/beer). we had the wedding and the reception at the same hotel and guests loved not having to travel (especially the out-of-towners who stayed at the hotel). we had about 150 people (we both have big families). the hardest part was narrowing the guest list — try to invite only the people you really love. i can tell you that it is wonderful to get married in a room full of people who are crazy happy for you, not just a bunch of fourth cousins who feel obligated to be there.
April 5th, 2008 at 7:41 am
[…] to $3000 for the day. The Knot advises you to spend $1500 to $4000 for photography services. Even Banker Girl, who’s planning a fairly frugal wedding, is spending $6000 on photography. My budget analysis […]
April 10th, 2008 at 9:38 am
I would never criticize your budget. I’m planning a wedding, and I won’t even say how much we’re spending, but you’re doing good. I’m an advocate of don’t spend what you can’t pay for in cash. My fiance and I should have no wedding debt when all is said and done. If you can do that, I think you deserve to have the wedding you want!
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:14 am
Heii,
I surfed over from your response to my post, and was pleased to see your wedding entry. I, too, am trying to plan a wedding for 120 people, but so far in NJ where I live, the cheapest I can find for food/alcohol/reception/ceremony site is $80 pp. It’s driving me crazy–I thought I could get a quaint old barn and a caterer, but caterers keep quoting me $80-$100 pp for the food alone. I guess this is a ridiculously expensive area, but really, all I end up feeling is ridiculous myself. I am having quite the struggle trying to have a decent wedding, but I admire your local sourcing of ingredients and hope to do the same at my own wedding. Once I haggle everyone down, that is. =)
July 23rd, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Ok, I just got married 6 weeks ago and we did our entire wedding for (you better believe it) under $2000. How you ask? Thinking outside the box, big time. Now, granted, we had to pay for everything ourselves, neither sets of parents could help. Some of you “you only get it once” people will cringe at some of these details, fair warning.
First big money saver (that I honestly wouldn’t recommend unless you’ve seen their work and love it), a friend of ours is an amatur photographer took our wedding photos as a wedding gift and is giving us all the rights to them, all of them. He missed maybe two basic shots (which my family got) and they turned out BEAUTIFULLY. Second big money saver, we had a potluck reception. I know that sounds cheap, especially since we’ve been raised on movies like Father of the Bride, but it actually turned out beautifully and our guests loved being able to participate. This is also how wedding receptions were traditionally done until the last 60 years or so (at least among those not in high society).
Other things were small, but made a big difference. We actually found our invitations at, you won’t believe it, BigLots. My MIL found them and I was really skeptical, until I saw them. So we spent a grand total of $6 on 120 invitiations (with envelopes and response cards). Instead of a calligrapher I bought clear address labels and printed addresses in a pretty font. Another money saver was that my grandmother bought my dress (which seriously allowed me to have a much nicer dress than I could have imagined). Other little money saving tips, have a friend with a good personality be your MC and use an iPod playlist instead of a DJ or band, rent or borrow the sound equipment from a local church or friend.
Leading up to the wedding, especially during preliminary planning I was really worried that on the wedding day I would look around and see all the things that I gave up… and you know what? I didn’t, I wouldn’t change a single thing. It was a beautiful day and I felt much more connected with our guests (even those I had never met). I don’t regret any of it and I’m so thankful that we were able to 1) get married when we wanted 2) come away from it with NO extra debt and 3) still enjoy the day with our friends and family.
Anyway, every person handles these events differently and the main thing to focus on the relationship, the wedding is just a celebration of everything that led you two to this point in your life and all the great hopes for your future together. Many blessings!!