Weddings and the Psychology of Spending
This is the second article in my series: BankerGirl Plans a Wedding - an honest account of my wedding decisions and the related expenses as they occur. You can find the first article of the series here.
My partner and I were engaged a year ago today. When people ask me how the wedding plans are coming, I always respond by saying “I’m not a very bridey-bride, so all of this wedding stuff is really lost on me.”
I don’t know why I haven’t been swept away in bridezilla-like frenzy - maybe it’s because I’m an “older” bride and much as I’m looking forward to our wedding, I realize that it’s only a day - but a marriage is forever. Maybe it’s because I’m an overweight bride and I’m longing the model body of my youth (I’ve always envisioned that I’d be a size 8 on my wedding day - that’s not gonna be the reality). Maybe it’s due to the fact that I’ve always been pretty non-traditional and marched to the beat of my own drummer. Whatever the reason, I haven’t exactly embraced wedding planning with typical bridal enthusiasm.
It’s getting to the point where I need to get over it. I’ve been enjoying our long engagement, but now that the wedding is about six months away, it is time to get busy finalizing our plans and our budget.
In that spirit, I planned a wedding dress shopping weekend with my mom and two sisters. Typically, I would do something like this on my own, but since I am the last of my mother’s “girls” to walk down the aisle, I couldn’t deny my family the opportunity to weigh in on my choice of gown.
D-day (dress day) was last Saturday, and I was looking forward to it about as much as a root canal. I feel fat and frumpy, not at all like a bride - but it ended up being a pretty good time. We went to a couple of different places, tried on dozens of gowns, and I am pretty sure that I’ve found my dress. I love everything about this particular gown except one thing - the price.
I had hoped to find a flattering gown that I felt good wearing in the $99 - $300 range. I looked online, went to a few second-hand stores, and even considered renting - but at the end of the day, I couldn’t find anything that fit my body without making me feel like I was wearing a giant white sausage casing. The problem is that I have an unusually large chest - always have - and there is no dress out there that will fit both my waist and my chest without being severely altered.
The forgone conclusion - I’m going over budget on my gown. The dress I chose is going to run around $700 plus the cost of alterations.
Even though I’m a couple of hundred dollars over budget, I’m ok with it. Why? Because after looking so long and hard for a dress that I felt good wearing, I was thankful that the dress is “only” $700.
You see, I found my dress at The Store of Last Resort. It’s the kind of bridal salon that caters to affluent clientele with couture gowns ranging from $500 - $8000 (this is the Midwest, but I’m well aware the $20k+ designer gowns available to those of you on the coasts, but around here, five grand is a lot to spend on a dress). I made the 4:00pm appointment hoping that I could cancel it because I would have already found my gown at one of the other boutiques we visited earlier in the day - but that wasn’t to be. By the time we got to this place, I so exhausted and exasperated, I told the consultant, “I just want something that’s going to look good on my body that’s appropriate for a fall outdoor wedding. ”
She brought lots of gowns, most of them under $1000 - but there was a $1450 number in the mix that was pretty stunning. Compared to that dress, my $700 was a total bargain.
And that, my friends, is how an otherwise fairly practical banker-type gets to the point where $700 doesn’t sound like a lot of money to spend on a dress that she will only wear once.
So I’ve been suckered into at least one component of the Industrial Wedding Machine. I’m not happy about the additional expense, but I am truly thrilled with my choice of gown and can’t wait for Matt to see me in it.
I have to be careful going forward, I am well aware that this is a slippery slope and that the budget could get really out of hand in a hurry if I keep making choices that push the upper limits. Hopefully I can make up the cost in some other area - like the rings or the catering.
Stumble it!
March 24th, 2008 at 11:55 am
I can totally relate! My friends and I joke around that I’m having a “pre-idustrial wedding,” meaning something that was senesible before the Wedding Industry caused all this craziness.
Congrats on finding a great dress! I think you completely right to go a little over budget for something that makes you feel great. You can always trim expenses somewhere else.
March 24th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
I know this is coming in my near future.
Why does getting hitched cost so much?! I’d much rather have a major percentage of a down payment then some new debt for a wedding.
March 24th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
First of all…breathe.
Regardless or weights and measurements, on your wedding day you will be the focal point of beauty for the only one that really matter - New Hubby.
The rest of it just serves to get you to that point.
Remember you have waited for this day, it goes by really quick…enjoy it!
March 24th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Racer has some good thoughts, there.
Some things are easier to go “pre-industrial” on than others. And if it costs money to find a dress that makes you feel beautiful, then maybe that money’s worth spending so that you aren’t miserable on the day. I had the opposite issue when working with a bride who was essentially a twig. Surprisingly there aren’t too many dresses for people of her shape either, she was too thin and had no curves (great person and lovely, but the dress was an adventure).
March 24th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Heidi,
Just found your site and had to comment on this post.
When planning out wedding, my wife actually took great pride in finding the best deals that she could on many items…including her dress.
When choosing her dress, she used the “trick” of choosing a few without looking at the prices and then made her final decision after the prices were known.
It was a great exercise because she told me that she ended up with three dresses that she loved and all three were at vastly different price points.
She actually ended up buying a dress that was marked down to $200.00. The shop workers and even the shop owner scoured the dress to find out what the “problem” was (The reason it as marked down so low). They could find nothing. The shop owner then told my wife that if she wanted that dress, she better buy it now because if not when was going to mark the price back up.
Talk about being in the right place at the right time. Needless to say, she bought that dress and she looked absolutely beautiful! Nobody, would ever have guessed that it was a $200.00 dress.
Best wishes to you on your special day.
-Tyler
March 24th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Congrats Hedi on finding your wedding dress. I think there’s some times in life that you are allowed to splurge just a little, as long as you compensate in another category.
March 24th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Love the article. I’m in Souther California where people drop ridiculous amounts on weddings and then spend the first couple years of their married lives stressing over it. Even worse, I watch parents torpedo their retirement funds all the time to pay for a wedding….
Keep spreading the wisdom!
-Ken
March 24th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
I can so relate to your article even though I got married over five years ago. I had pretty much the same feeling of “please let me find a dress that looks good on me and doesn’t cost a small fortune.” And I did, although in retrospect, I probably could have found a dress for less than the $1400 I spent plus alterations. My parents paid for half of the dress, I think, and it WAS the perfect dress for me. I wish I’d been smarter about money back then, I’m sure I could have found it for half the price. But, as several of the commenters have said, this is one of those things where a little splurge is okay - and from my perspective at least, $700 is rather reasonable since I’d have been thrilled to get my dress at that price!
Now that I have two boys and am unlikely to have another child, I have been pondering what to do with it. It’s sitting in the preservation box the dry cleaner’s put it in. Since I can no longer hope that I’ll have a daughter who will want to wear it (as if that was ever going to happen), I feel like I should do something with it. But I’m also reluctant to part with it - I think it would help if I knew it were going to a good home. Hmm, maybe that’s the making of a giveaway sometime in the future!